A Dozen Female-Authored Books

About two years ago I looked over the list of every book I’ve ever read and realized, “Damn, what a sausage fest.” Much like the higher-ups at a tech company or a group of legislators signing an anti-abortion bill, my list of authors had approximately one female for every 50 males. I resolved to change my habits and started by reading ten consecutive books written by females.

Looking for a new book to read? Here’s a synopsis and brief review of one dozen female-authored books I’ve recently read. I consciously chose books that varied in genre, era, and style.

Harry Potter 7 – Still a Virgin

Thus begins the end of my Harry Potter journey.  4,100 pages. Damn. No doubt I will be sad once I finish this book, but for now I am excited and impatient to start! 

I started this series last June. I was supposed to finish it by the end of summer

 

Ch 1 – Well Malfoy family, looks like your house is now headquarters for the Legion of Death Eaters. Maybe you shouldn’t have been all in love with Voldemort if you didn’t want him and his snake living in your house and treating you like dirt.

Harry Potter and the Infinite Snogging

What was it like to read a Harry Potter book and then patiently wait years until the next book was published? I imagine that experience was just a bit different than closing book 5, making a cup of coffee, and opening book 6.

Ch 1 – Aha! So the wizard government and muggle government do communicate with each other. I’ve been wondering about that from early on in the series. (And now I’m having a fun time imagining Trump dealing with a high-ranking wizard official.)

Ch 2 – What?! Snape is dealing directly with Voldemort!? And he makes an unbreakable vow to keep helping him?! But also he’s in the Order of the Phoenix and has helped them too. But he gives good excuses to Bellatrix for why he only seems to be on Dumbledore’s side… Ahhh what to believe?!

So is Snape a double agent? Or like a…double DOUBLE agent maybe?

Here’s what I think the odds are:

Harry Potter 5: The Emo Years

870 pages. Really? Am I reading a children’s book or Leo Tolstoy here?

Honestly, I never thought I’d read a book with this many pages. Then again I never thought I’d wistfully long for the days of George W.Bush, but alas… here I am. Life comes at you fast. Maybe if Infinite Jest was one part in an exciting fantasy series I’d actually get around to reading it. Or maybe finishing these Harry Potter books will give me the confidence to take on Marcel Proust. But probably not.

Ch 1 – Dudley Dursley is now going by “Big D” and it just so happens that “Big D” is also my karaoke name! Wow, Dan and Dudley. Two Big D’s. So much in common.

Harry Potter 4: Less Quidditch, More Murder

In my last blog I vowed I would never use an online quiz to determine my Hogwarts House. Why? Because an online quiz isn’t a sorting hat and is therefore an illegitimate placement. Furthermore, I already knew in my heart of hearts which House I belonged to. Unfortunately we now live in the age of bullying and yours truly was bullied into taking the official Pottermore internet quiz. Surprise surprise. I’m a Hufflepuff. #hufflepuff4lyfe #besthouse #hatersgonnahate #badgerpride #rowthebadger

Superfluous “proof” of my Hufflepuff placement.

 

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Chapter 1 – Woah.

So I pick up book 4 and I’m thinking, alright time to trudge through these early chapters about life with the Dursleys. Oh woe is Harry’s life with the Dursleys. Yada Yada Yada – It’s the fourth book, we get it already. But no! It’s all like: secret intrigue! and Voldemort milking a snake! and Pettigrew killing some lady! and a gardener stumbling upon them and getting murdered! and Harry’s scar burning! and DAMN!!! This chapter is way more engaging than the previous beginnings.

He’s Once, Twice, Three Times a Wizard

Ok let me start by saying that a lot of people have been telling me (more like demanding) that I need to take some official online quiz to truly discover my house (as if it’s somehow possible I’m not a Hufflepuff). But you know what? Last I checked a quiz doesn’t assign the houses, the sorting hat does. So unless one of you has a sorting hat lying around somewhere, I’ll continue to assume I’m a Hufflepuff.

I’m sorry but you don’t get placed in a Hogwarts house the same way you find out which Disney princess or Game of Thrones character you are. (I’m Belle and Khal Drogo btw).

 

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Chapter 1 – Aww, a REAL birthday with real presents. How heartwarming. It’s like Harry’s becoming a real boy.

Harry Potter 2 – Way better than Weekend at Bernie’s 2

I’ve finished the second Harry Potter book and I’m pretty sure I’d be in Hufflepuff. To be honest I don’t know much about Hufflepuff because Gryffindor and Slytherin get 95% of the plot. Gryffindor and Slytherin are like Republicans and Democrats while Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw are the Libertarians and Green Party. Sure they exist, but everyone knows they aren’t going to seriously matter. Hufflepuff probably has as much chance of winning the house cup as Jill Stein has of winning the Presidency. Nevertheless, I did consider voting for Ralph Nader for a hot second back in college so I’m comfortable with being in Hufflepuff for now.

My Introduction to Harry Potter

I finished the first installment of Harry Potter. Here are some thoughts that strolled through my head while reading:

 

Dudley Dursley – This kid reminds me of so many of the students I have worked with over the years. I really hope at the end of the book/series Harry gets to ride down on Falcor and terrify Dudley until he jumps into a dumpster.

If the fantasy genre has taught me anything, it’s that bullies always get what’s coming to them.

 

Chapter 3 – Man remember when people used to get letters? Not like bills and junk mail but hand-written letters? Those were the days. Of course Tindering was a lot more difficult back then.

Harry Potter – Two Decades Late to the Party

I once attended a wedding where my mother embarrassed herself and brought shame on our family by casually mentioning, “Oh this sounds like a catchy song, what is it?” We stared in disbelief. The song was “Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)” by Beyonce Our Mother. You might be thinking, “Dan, what’s so embarrassing about that?” This wasn’t in early 2008 – it was four months ago! Somehow my mom went all these years without ever hearing one of the most popular songs of the decade.

Sometimes we find ourselves, either by choice or by happenstance, among the small percentage of people untouched by a pop culture phenomenon. My roommate has never seen a Star Wars movie. I once dated a girl who couldn’t name a single Beatles album. In 1996 my summer camp had a dance on the basketball court and there were three kids who had no idea how to do the Macarena – I still remember the confusion and horror on their faces.