Harry Potter and the Infinite Snogging

What was it like to read a Harry Potter book and then patiently wait years until the next book was published? I imagine that experience was just a bit different than closing book 5, making a cup of coffee, and opening book 6.

Ch 1 – Aha! So the wizard government and muggle government do communicate with each other. I’ve been wondering about that from early on in the series. (And now I’m having a fun time imagining Trump dealing with a high-ranking wizard official.)

Ch 2 – What?! Snape is dealing directly with Voldemort!? And he makes an unbreakable vow to keep helping him?! But also he’s in the Order of the Phoenix and has helped them too. But he gives good excuses to Bellatrix for why he only seems to be on Dumbledore’s side… Ahhh what to believe?!

So is Snape a double agent? Or like a…double DOUBLE agent maybe?

Here’s what I think the odds are:

Harry Potter 5: The Emo Years

870 pages. Really? Am I reading a children’s book or Leo Tolstoy here?

Honestly, I never thought I’d read a book with this many pages. Then again I never thought I’d wistfully long for the days of George W.Bush, but alas… here I am. Life comes at you fast. Maybe if Infinite Jest was one part in an exciting fantasy series I’d actually get around to reading it. Or maybe finishing these Harry Potter books will give me the confidence to take on Marcel Proust. But probably not.

Ch 1 – Dudley Dursley is now going by “Big D” and it just so happens that “Big D” is also my karaoke name! Wow, Dan and Dudley. Two Big D’s. So much in common.

Harry Potter 4: Less Quidditch, More Murder

In my last blog I vowed I would never use an online quiz to determine my Hogwarts House. Why? Because an online quiz isn’t a sorting hat and is therefore an illegitimate placement. Furthermore, I already knew in my heart of hearts which House I belonged to. Unfortunately we now live in the age of bullying and yours truly was bullied into taking the official Pottermore internet quiz. Surprise surprise. I’m a Hufflepuff. #hufflepuff4lyfe #besthouse #hatersgonnahate #badgerpride #rowthebadger

Superfluous “proof” of my Hufflepuff placement.

 

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Chapter 1 – Woah.

So I pick up book 4 and I’m thinking, alright time to trudge through these early chapters about life with the Dursleys. Oh woe is Harry’s life with the Dursleys. Yada Yada Yada – It’s the fourth book, we get it already. But no! It’s all like: secret intrigue! and Voldemort milking a snake! and Pettigrew killing some lady! and a gardener stumbling upon them and getting murdered! and Harry’s scar burning! and DAMN!!! This chapter is way more engaging than the previous beginnings.

He’s Once, Twice, Three Times a Wizard

Ok let me start by saying that a lot of people have been telling me (more like demanding) that I need to take some official online quiz to truly discover my house (as if it’s somehow possible I’m not a Hufflepuff). But you know what? Last I checked a quiz doesn’t assign the houses, the sorting hat does. So unless one of you has a sorting hat lying around somewhere, I’ll continue to assume I’m a Hufflepuff.

I’m sorry but you don’t get placed in a Hogwarts house the same way you find out which Disney princess or Game of Thrones character you are. (I’m Belle and Khal Drogo btw).

 

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Chapter 1 – Aww, a REAL birthday with real presents. How heartwarming. It’s like Harry’s becoming a real boy.